Peaches & Blackberries

The last few days I've been craving sugar like crazy. Like fruit juice, waffles, chocolate chip cookies. I'm not much of a sweet tooth normally, but I think I'm transitioning to less sugar from our month in Italy - where a sugary pastry started each morning, alongside the best cappuccinos in the world. Where life was sweet and we walked everywhere, coming back more fit than when we left (even if we ate sausage, feta, pasta, and pastries like you wouldn't believe).

It's only now as I write that I realize the adjustment back to a plant-based, lots of raw lifestyle - which was so normal in LA and so inconceivable in Italy - is actually a challenge. Up until last week, I continued dropping spoonfuls of sugar into my frothy, whole-milky, homemade cappuccinos. I continued with the sausage and meats, the cheeses and pastas. But now, as re-entry has fully arrived, I'm craving my green juices, avocados, and kale salads, while also longing for sugar cookies and sweet creams.

On top of all of this, I've had a weird inflamed Eustachian tube in my ear for a month. This week it became infected, and I'm on a load of antibiotics. I feel whacky, out of it, uninspired, and aimless.

And I'm craving sugar. And I'm exhausted. And Saturn Returns is here for me.

The point of this post was meant to ponder the connection between my cravings and my ear infection/antibiotics; to ponder my being wiped out by my ear, and how it feels like I can't heal my ear with food. Maybe I can, but right now, the ear feels disconnected from the rest of my body/has me feeling fragmented into parts. I think about the greater context of antibiotics and illness in general - how it takes up all your energy; how even the doctors appointments can rule your life. And, I have health insurance, unlike the majority of humans in this country. We live in a country where being uninsured and lucky for your good health, or uninsured and buried in medical bills, is commonplace. We live in a country where those of us who are privileged enough to "be insured" have little agency in the kind of healthcare system we enter into for "healing," and zero control over the products that are prescribed to fight off our infections. I have no idea what I'm putting into my body to kill this ear infection.

But I'm drinking my green juice and probiotics to counteract the negative impact. I'm resting (and exhausted). I'm kissing Sammy whenever I can.

The little sweet things matter. I fulfilled my sugar cravings today with a bowl of sliced peaches and blackberries, that really DID meet my need for sweetness. But, I'm isolating a little bit, in my illness. I guess that might be what I need too.

What are your thoughts, dear readers, on this post, travel, transitions, infections, healthcare, finding balance, etc?

Lots of love,

Sofia