Day Four: Awake

I woke up this morning with a clear head. That never happens to me. The first thought on my mind, sometimes even before my eyes open, is coffee.

I wake up slowly, I peel myself out of bed, I walk to the kitchen, and I fill our beautiful Moka with Espresso.

This is always one of the sweetest parts of my day.

But it's also something I never go without, not even for a day.

Letting go really scares me.

To challenge myself to let go of my delicious codependency is a huge feat. Succeeding gives me a triumphant feeling of accomplishment.

Last night, Sammy and I were with our friend Clemond. He has been with his boyfriend for eight years. The whole time, they've been in an open relationship. He explained it like this:

"Picture a a man and his companion dog. If the man always has a tight leash on the dog, it is choking, trapped, a possession of his owner, stifled. If the dog is able to run free, the sweetest moment is that he will run back to his human companion and they will hug each other. That is how it is with us. We are happy to let each other be free. We wouldn't have it any other way"

Sammy and I are cat people; we don't tend to use a leash. But we do hold too tight sometimes, for fear of losing each other.

I guess this is to say that: letting go of even the smallest co-dependencies in our lives (ie/coffee, driving, yelling, anger) is a small practice that teaches us quite a lot about love. Giving up something small is a practice of letting go. A liberatory practice. A practice in free-ing something caged.

In a small way, releasing my hold on morning coffee helps me release my hold of my partner, release jealousy, release my desire to control. It teaches me to love better, and to love her better.

And like I said, today was the first day in a long time I woke up with a clear head.

Day 4 Menu:

Breakfast: Mate, 1 Pear, 2 Bananas (+ Impuriclear and Fiber)

Lunch: Black Beans and Brussels Sprouts

Dinner: Black Eyed Peas, Roasted Eggplant with Garlic & Lemon (+ Impuriclear and Fiber)