the spirit of the cleanse

in the last few days of the cleanse, my dreams have been very intense.  my spirit animals have visited me (rattlesnake), kindly, benevolenty watching over me, as i slept in the desert sun, on the slope of a rocky mountain.  beautifuls lizards came up beside the snakes, and my friend monely tells me the lizard represents our ancestors.

oceans have come into being, as i swim in them with community. a friend of mine even died in my dream, in another sea, so that i could live.  Death is almost always a symbol for endings, letting go, release and re-birth. 

all of  these- snake, ocean, death - symbols of transformation, transitions, and the inner, emotional and spiritual processes of this cleanse.

i wanted to just speak to that for a moment - to the fact that this cleanse is not a purely physical experience, but an embodied emotional and spiritual un-doing.  It's a time to rest, and restore.  It's a time to listen closely to my body/mind/spirit as it rises mid-night; to listen as my hand begs for the pen to release my thoughts to the page; to feel how tired i am; to lie down; to take baths; to be quiet.

i listen as my lower back pinches and pains, letting me know i need to stretch my muscles and move.

i'm still not sure 'what' i'm cleansing, but i think we don't need to understand.  we can't ever know what we store in our bodies, of our minds, of our spirits, and memories, and histories.

i just know that the spirit of the cleanse is a powerful one.  it's challenging to 'stay with it', as i stare at Excel spreadsheets and try to meet people's needs all day in a work world that i've come to understand i'm outgrowing.  the spaces of work feel gristly, stagnant, and annoying.  it teaches me, teaches me about what my spirit wants to let go of, release.